Honeymoon happenings: part deux

It seems that everyone has some sort of crazy honeymoon tale. I was somewhat thankful after we lost our passports (see Honeymoon happenings: part one), as I figured that was it. That was our honeymoon mishap. Who was I kidding? We were one day in.

We enjoyed leisurely mornings by the pool and lazy afternoons on the beach. We snorkeled, swam, read novels, walked and talked, took photos and played scrabble. But the food my friend, was key. We consumed delicious made-to-order breakfasts, juicy tropical fruit, Caribbean barbecue, beachfront cocktails, afternoon tea and scones, champagne from Champagne, four course dinners, top wine selections, ocean side picnics, and less I forget the rum and raisin ice cream, crème brulee and chocolate croissants, oh my! For a couple of foodies, we were going flambéed bananas.

Yet, on about day three of our stay and about 14 desserts in, I realized something was missing. Now how do I put this politely… let’s just say I wasn’t needing to spend much time in the bathroom. Number one, this freed up a little more time for collecting shells on the beach, but number two, oh forget it.

So much for any kind of newly wed discretion. It was inevitable that I had to share my ‘difficulty’ with my very understanding husband, who showed no embarrassment while encouraging me to go spend time in the restroom. Chilling out in the bathroom with an InStyle while my man knocked on the door asking how things were going was not exactly how I envisioned wedded bliss.

On about the same day, I noticed several bug bites on my legs. By that evening, we counted 26 irritating bites covering my legs and arms. Over an omelet the following morning, we found out from, Paula, the lovely breakfast chef, that it was ‘sand fly’ season. Oh good, thanks for the FYI. The closest thing I had to an anti-itch remedy was my Chanel Chance perfume. I actually had to stop shaving my legs in order to avoid further induced scratchy madness. Itchy, hairy legs. Now that’s a recipe for a steamy honeymoon night.

Leaving the sand flies behind, we said goodbye to St. Lucia and jetted off to California to complete our honeymoon in Los Angeles. Armed with my Aveeno calamine cream, we enjoyed many memories in Santa Monica, Venice Beach, Disneyland and Hollywood.

My grand honeymoon finale took place on the last night of our trip, which was spent mostly on the bathroom floor with my good friend, T.B. (toilet bowl). Less I forget, my other friend. My best friend. Who also spent the night on the floor with me while the king size bed in our luxury room lay empty.

All ailments aside, it was the best trip I’ve ever been on. It was the perfect scenario, yet a wonderful reminder that life is far from perfect. Sure we had a few moments that were less than romantic but it doesn’t get much better than seeing two weeks in what your husband really meant by “in sickness and in health”.